Cheeky

FWD: Im free now

2011-12-15T05:50:00.001+05:30

Hello friend!
do not pass it by because you are most defiantly capable of doing it if i am
http://clubprima.civ.pl/profile/19PhilipBennett/
ttyl.

Re: Fwd: I DID IT!

2011-11-27T23:24:00.001+05:30

Hola friend.
I was about ready to throw in the towel this helped me get back on my feet these days I stay on top of my game you can pull this off too
http://shootingactionsports.com/profile/77CraigCarter/
see you later

Look what i found here!

2011-11-21T22:24:00.001+05:30

hello!
honestly one day you will look back on this and think about why you didn't do this sooner
http://www.goztepecicekci.com/profile/24GrahamTurner/
see you soon

One way to get people to remember your name...

2010-10-29T13:46:00.001+05:30

UCLA Study

2010-10-18T12:55:00.000+05:30

A study worth sharing with friends both male and female:

A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest with a bat up his butt while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected on this subject.

Amazing Focus

2010-10-05T13:57:00.000+05:30

For My Brother

2010-10-05T13:47:00.000+05:30

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."

Heartfelt Apology

2010-10-04T16:08:00.000+05:30

Courtesy

2010-09-03T10:39:00.000+05:30

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it
so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two
days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

Little Janice

2010-07-20T17:35:00.000+05:30

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she
slept through class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me
Janice, who created the universe?" When Janice didn't stir, little
Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her
in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good" and
Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour."
But, Janice didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came
to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good," and
Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to
Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her
with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing
one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ass!"

... the teacher fainted!

Dear;

2010-07-03T19:55:00.001+05:30

Dear friend,

How are you recently? I ordered one apple macbook from this website (www.)bbqtrade.com one week ago, today I've got it, Amazing, the macbook is new and original with the sealed box, what's more surprised, the price is much cheaper than the market, I am so glad to share this good news with you, this web can provide you all kinds of electronic goods, and now if you are one of the first 50 customsers, then you can get the 5% discount with any goods. If you are interested in anything please contact them, their contact informaion is web@bbqtrade.com or bbqtrade@hotmail.com

Best regards!

Wrong Joke

2010-02-26T17:10:00.000+05:30

A traveling salesman's car breaks down, and he walks over to a nearby farm.

He knocks on the door and the farmer appears. "Excuse me sir, but my car broke down about a mile down the road, and I was wondering if you had a place I could stay, just until morning, and I....."

The farmer says, "Well, I can let you sleep in the barn, but you'll have to sleep with my two sons...."

The salesman says, "Sons?! I must be in the wrong joke!"

Beer Lover

2010-02-17T21:43:00.000+05:30

Extra Spicy

2010-02-17T21:41:00.000+05:30

Safety Concern

2010-02-17T21:25:00.001+05:30

Romantic Husband

2010-02-17T21:24:00.001+05:30

Beer Opening 2

2010-02-17T21:23:00.001+05:30

Beer Opening

2010-02-17T21:21:00.000+05:30

Lady Sitters

2010-02-17T21:19:00.001+05:30

Tiger Shark

2010-02-17T20:08:00.001+05:30

Inviting Restaurants?

2010-02-17T20:04:00.000+05:30

Patent No. 6,293,874

2010-02-17T19:47:00.001+05:30

Santa Arrives

2010-02-17T19:35:00.001+05:30

A Little Austrian Town ...

2010-02-17T19:33:00.001+05:30

Are the residents called Fuckers?

What are the mothers called?

What would you be learning at the Fucking High School ?

Does the Fucking Hospital help you with anything else?

If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your Fucking friend.

Pronounced 'fooking'

The little hamlet of Fucking is named after the man who founded the village in the 6th century.

His name? Focko.

Picture Wisdom

2010-02-14T21:25:00.000+05:30

A True Friend

2010-01-19T13:24:00.001+05:30

Inappropriate Humour

2009-12-22T21:00:00.001+05:30

Scientific Reporting

2009-12-15T15:53:00.000+05:30

The Burning Question...

2009-12-15T15:51:00.001+05:30

Surgeons

2009-10-14T13:02:00.001+05:30

Five surgeons are discussing the types of people they like to operate on.

The first surgeon says: I like to see accountants on my operating table because when I open them up, everything inside is numbered.

The second responds: Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded.

The third surgeon says: No, I really think librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The fourth surgeon chimes in: You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: You're all wrong ----- Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the butt are interchangeable.

WTF...?

2009-09-10T18:37:00.001+05:30

Come to Me

2009-08-07T14:47:00.000+05:30

Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.

Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Tracy?"

"Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?"

"Viens a moi."

"Viens a moi? What does that mean?"

At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me'."

Sharon takes anther sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?"

Looking for local information? Find it on Yahoo! Local

First Date

2009-08-07T14:43:00.001+05:30

A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl.

She was immediately receptive to his foreplay after they parked.

The petting went on and he put his hand in her panties. She seemed to be enjoying it, but suddenly objected,

"Ouch! Your ring is hurting me!"

"That's no ring... That's my watch

Yahoo! recommends that you upgrade to the new and safer Internet Explorer 8.

Knicker Trouble

2009-08-07T11:04:00.001+05:30

An Englishman,an Irishman and a Scotsman are all playing golf with their wives. The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee, and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God woman! why aren't you wearing any knickers?" Her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough money to afford to buy any."

The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency here's $50, go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee, and again a gust of wind blow's her skirt up to reveal that she too isn't wearing any undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! you've no knickers- why not?" She replies, " I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, " For the sake of decency here's $20, go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she too is naked under it.

" Hoots Mon, woman! Why are ye not wearing knickers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough housekeepin money ta be able ta afford any." With that the Scot reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the sake of decency here's a comb, tidy yurrself up a bit."

Yahoo! recommends that you upgrade to the new and safer Internet Explorer 8.

Erection Trouble

2009-08-07T11:03:00.001+05:30

There was a guy who had been having chronic trouble in trying to get an erection. After weeks of frustration, he finally breaks down and goes to the doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and finally makes the diagnosis.

"Well, there's good news and there's bad news," she says. "The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are deteriorating, and there is no cure."

The guy, on the verge of panic, finally regains his composure.

"So what's the good news?" he asks.

The doctor says, "There is an experimental treatment available, but there are no guarantees. It involves transplanting the muscles from a baby elephant's trunk into your penis. Would you like to try it?"

The guy thinks about it and finally says, "Well, the thought of going through life without being able to have sex is just too much for me. What have I got to lose? Let's do it."

So the doctor performs the operation.

A few weeks later, the guy takes his girlfriend out to a nice restaurant to celebrate his new equipment. While sitting at the table, he feels a stirring between his legs; it gets progressively worse until it reaches the point of being painful.

Seeking relief, he reaches down and unzips his fly to relieve some of the pressure.

Suddenly, his penis leaps free from his pants, slides over the tabletop and grabs a dinner roll, then returns to his pants again.

"Wow!" says his stunned girlfriend, "That was impressive! Can you do that again?"

Eyes watering and face flushed, he says, "Probably...But I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"

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Driver's License

2009-08-07T10:54:00.000+05:30

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mommy,'the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,'the mother replied. 'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her driver's license. It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks,

'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,

'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.'

Visiting Family

2009-08-04T16:03:00.001+05:30

A man was boarding a plane on his way back from visiting family over the holidays when he heard another passenger shout to a man in the crowd waiting to see him off, "Good bye. Your wife was a great lay!"

After the plane was in flight, the first man walked over to the one who had done the shouting and asked, "Did I hear you correctly? Did you actually have the audacity to tell that man his wife was a great lay?"

The other man shrugged his shoulders. "It isn't really true," he said, "but I didn't want to hurt his feelings."

Happy To Help - Vodafone (pup)

2009-08-04T15:59:00.001+05:30

This Mall has it All

2009-07-08T15:12:00.001+05:30

Bubba has a Question

2009-06-25T19:48:00.001+05:30

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, 'Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer?'

'Yes, Bubba, sure is true,' responded the lawyer.

'And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?'

'Sure is, Bubba.'

'And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?'

'Yep.'

'And that football player sued that university when he graduaided and still couldn't read?'

'That's right,' said the lawyer. 'But why are you asking?'

'Well, I was thinkin. What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?'

The Blonde's Message

2009-06-24T15:10:00.001+05:30

A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"

The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"

"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.

With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did.

He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.

Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.

He said, "Go ahead...take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"

The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO.....MOM, can you hear me???

The Pastor's Ass

2009-06-23T18:15:00.001+05:30

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.

A letter from Husband to Wife !!!

2009-06-23T18:12:00.001+05:30

Too much detail

2009-06-11T14:09:00.001+05:30

Lessons on Life

2009-06-10T12:14:00.000+05:30

A little known fact

2009-06-09T19:04:00.000+05:30

The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874, and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

Wisdom of older women

2009-06-09T18:59:00.000+05:30

After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, 'Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.

Now I have a $500,000 house, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not

holding up your side of things.’

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.

Cucumber Sandwich

2009-06-09T13:06:00.001+05:30

Not your typical blonde joke

2009-06-02T11:30:00.001+05:30

A beautiful blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.'

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES YES, I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are honest. Not all blondes are dumb. But all men are men

A Farmer in Love

2009-06-02T11:24:00.000+05:30

A farmer walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says, "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."

The wife, laying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."

The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."

Why women hate sports

2009-05-29T14:57:00.000+05:30

Lost in Translation

2009-05-28T18:21:00.000+05:30

Pictures Taken At Exactly The Wrong Time...

2009-05-26T13:26:00.000+05:30

Won the Lottery

2009-05-14T14:23:00.003+05:30

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out"

Golfing

2009-05-14T14:23:00.001+05:30

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went golfing.

Demotivated Posters

2009-05-12T13:12:00.001+05:30

Communication

2009-05-12T13:05:00.001+05:30

Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out since they can't see each other signing, or lips to lip-read.

After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.

She writes, "Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times."

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his wife if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis one time. If she doesn 't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and fifty times.

Medical Insurance

2009-05-12T13:03:00.001+05:30

A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he will be working in. He walks past a room where a man is vigorously masturbating non-stop, and asks the doctor why the man was doing such a thing out in the open?

The doctor replies, "Oh he has a medical condition where the sperm builds up quickly in his body, he has to masturbate constantly or he will explode."

"Oh, I see," says the intern.

They walk past another room where the intern sees a man laying on a stretcher getting a blowjob from a nurse.

Again, he asks the doctor "What's up with that?"

The doctor says, "Same condition, better medical plan."

The Checkup

2009-05-05T18:42:00.001+05:30

After a man's checkup, the doctor called his wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Be pleasant at all times. Prepare him lavish meals. Don't burden him with chores. Don't nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

"If you can do this for the next year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die."

Nudist Colony

2009-05-05T18:29:00.001+05:30

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there hetakes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"

The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"

She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me."

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.

"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.

"You must be new," says the hairy man, "It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me."

The huge man easily spins him around, bents him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?", she says.

The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."

"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."

The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 50 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day."

Cheating in Exam

2009-04-30T18:54:00.001+05:30

Ultimate Commercials

2009-04-30T18:49:00.001+05:30

Divorce Ring

2009-04-30T18:40:00.001+05:30

Indefinitely

2009-04-30T12:53:00.001+05:30

A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word 'indefinitely' in a sentence. Little Johnny raises his hand at the back of the class.

But the teacher knows he's a troublemaker and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Jim.

Jim replies, 'Due to the weather, school was cancelled indefinitely.'

'Good' the teacher replies. 'What about you Jenny?'

Jenny says, 'Since the bus broke down, transportation has been stopped indefinitely.'

The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other one, and asks if anyone can use it in a different way. So there's Little Johnny waving his hand again. And the teacher thinks... (Maybe he really does know the answer), so she calls on him. Johnny stands up and says,

"'As I felt my balls slap against her ass, I knew that I was in definitely!"

Catholic Girls

2009-04-30T12:52:00.001+05:30

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"

She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."

Peter says, "Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.."

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, "Reeva, What seems to be the rush?"

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water I want to do it before Jessica sticks her bottom in it."

My mom said.....

2009-04-29T15:51:00.001+05:30

Under Influence

2009-04-28T13:24:00.001+05:30

You can't make this stuff up....

2009-04-28T10:32:00.001+05:30

Priceless T-Shirt

2009-04-24T18:24:00.001+05:30

Eve's Side of the Story

2009-04-20T18:46:00.001+05:30

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see.......where did I put that useless boob?"

Want a screw..?

2009-04-20T18:44:00.001+05:30

A lady walks into a hardware store and says she's looking for a hinge.

The manager comes over and asks the lady "Do you want a screw for the hinge?"

She replies "No but I'll Fuck you for the doorknob."

========================

Peter's first date with Meg had gone well. As they sat in Peter's front seat on a remote country road, Meg made an announcement.

"I'm actually a prostitute," Meg warned. "If you want any action, it'll cost you $30."

"Well," Peter shot back, "I have to tell you something too. I'm actually a cab driver. If you want a ride back into the city, it'll cost you $50."

==============================

What's the only bad thing about the 69 position ? The view.

==============================

Husband: Shall we try a new position tonight?

Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the couch and drink beer and fart!

====================

An eight year old boy comes home from school and says "Daddy! Daddy! What is the difference between a pussy and a cunt?"

The dad says, "No, I cant tell you that! You're too young!"

The son goes, "NO I'm not daddy! Please tell me."

So the father says alright and takes the boy into the bedroom. When they walk into the room, the boys mother is fast asleep. So the dad pulls back the covers, and like always, the mother is lying there without any panties on.

The father points in between her legs and says, "You see that? That's a pussy!"

The son asks, "Oooo! Can I pat it?"

The father reply's, "NO! You'll wake up the cunt!"

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A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job? You know she'll swallow.

When is a pixie not a pixie? When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.'

What's the definition of a Yankee? Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.

What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during orgasm.

Three words women hate to hear when having sex "Honey, I'm home!"

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where her tits went

Fitting Pics

2009-04-17T16:36:00.001+05:30

Oh! Fred!

2009-04-17T16:35:00.001+05:30

Tarzan & Jane

2009-04-17T16:33:00.001+05:30

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, while questioning him about his life, she asked him how
he had sex

"Whats sex ?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said "Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.

"Here" she said, "you can put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, stepped closer and then gave Jane a horrific kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony..

Eventually she managed to grasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Tarzan not stupid first check for bees."

What men really wish...

2009-04-17T16:31:00.001+05:30

Womanizer

2009-04-16T19:49:00.001+05:30

Lost Cat

2009-04-15T19:23:00.001+05:30

Fwd: :::ukhumour::: WORLD MAP

2009-04-15T19:15:00.001+05:30

Wrong Implants

2009-04-15T19:11:00.001+05:30

Coming of Age

2009-04-13T15:00:00.001+05:30

"Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Sure! What about?" replied mother.

"Well, I'm already fourteen and.. I think it's just proper that I should own one."

"Own 'one' what?" mother asked suspiciously.

"Could you buy me a push up bra?"

"No."

"But my nipples are already prominent and it catches attention."

"Nope."

"I think it would be just proper at my age..."

"I said no way...!"

"But all of my friends wear.......!"

"Morris! How many times must I tell you that bras are for girls!?"

Plastic Surgery

2009-04-13T14:57:00.001+05:30

Friends

2009-04-13T14:56:00.001+05:30

Three Nuns

2009-04-10T12:31:00.001+05:30

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.

He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna;" and *poof* she's gone

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Oh please, I want to be Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says; "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

He hands it back to her and says "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

Fabulous Delivery

2009-04-07T16:45:00.001+05:30

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines.

After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress' ok?"

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and he delivered the line.......

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cried, "you've ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered, "what happened, did I forget my line?"

"No you twat," screamed the director, "you forgot the rose..."

Hilarious Wedding Pictures

2009-04-02T13:17:00.001+05:30

Funny T-shirts

2009-04-02T13:10:00.001+05:30

Full Disclosure

2009-04-02T12:57:00.001+05:30

Unfair Labor Practices

2009-04-02T09:44:00.001+05:30

A man owned a small Ranch In Texas. The Texas Work Force Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.

Then there's a half-wit here as well. He works about 18 hours every day, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board. I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night as a treat. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

"That's the guy I need to talk to ... this man you refer to as the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the Rancher.

As I Mature

2009-04-02T09:43:00.001+05:30

Funny Signs

2009-04-01T15:04:00.000+05:30

Snappy come back

2009-03-31T16:33:00.001+05:30

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, 'Are all of those kids yours?'

He replied, 'No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.'

The Blind Man

2009-03-31T16:30:00.001+05:30

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

So one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."

So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in.

The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

Not All Seniors are Senile

2009-03-31T16:20:00.001+05:30

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know,"' chuckled the old man. "But let me tell you about my weekend!"

Safe or not...

2009-03-31T15:16:00.001+05:30

Let's do it...

2009-03-31T14:55:00.001+05:30

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu."

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

A Little Stitch

2009-03-31T14:02:00.001+05:30

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, Where's Mom and dad?"
And she replied, "they're up in bed."
The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.

Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "where's Mom and Dad?"
And she replied; "they're still up in bed."
Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.

Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his Grandma "where's Mom and dad?"
And his grandmother replied; "they're still up in bed."
The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother said;
"Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh what is going on here?"

The little boy replied, "Well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."

Why you need to check ur child's homework

2009-03-30T09:48:00.001+05:30

Santa's Gmail Account

2009-03-24T15:49:00.000+05:30

Funny Toons

2009-03-24T15:44:00.000+05:30

Man of the House

2009-03-24T15:37:00.000+05:30

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "YOU CAN BE THE MAN OF YOUR HOUSE".

"He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.

"You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.

"After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.

"Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

"Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The funeral director would be my first guess."