Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The Pharmacist

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.

The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Never make a bet when you're drunk

A cajun walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three

"Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So the man gives him the $10, and the bartender drops it into the jar.

"OK," the bartender says, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila. The whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second, - There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.

Third, - There's a 90-year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my 10 bucks, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things...."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.

Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up, and soon all the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping, and then.......silence.

Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth?