Reasons why a gun is better than a woman

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you  try it out a few times.

 

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a  backup.

 

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

 

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

 

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

 

#3. A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

 

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

 

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman...

 

#1. You can buy a silencer for a gun.

A New Illness

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well . 
 
'What's the matter?' he asks.
 
'I have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a weak voice.
 
'What the hell is anal glaucoma?'
 
'I just can't see my ass coming into work today.

How to Serve Chicken Wings

 

American Ads

 

Necro- what?

A man was brought before the judge and charged with NECROPHILIA (making love to a dead person)

The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the jail keys in the toilet?"

The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:

1. It's none of your damn business;
2. She was my wife; and.....
3. I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way!"
 
SO LADIES TRY TO MOVE A LITTLE DURING THE GAME.

GUYS, IF A LADY IS NOT MOVING, STOP IMMEDIATELY AND CHECK IF SHE IS ALIVE.

Bad Santa

 

Birth Control

They’ve got a new birth control pill for men now. I think that’s fair.

 

It makes a lot more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.