Thursday, October 23, 2008

What's your size?

Have you ever wondered why the letters A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, H are used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost Boobs...

{B} Barely there.

{C} Can’t Complain!

{D} Dang!

{DD} Double dang!

{E} Enormous!

{F} Fake.

{G} Get a Reduction.

{H} Help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008


I didn't get home from a trip until 2 a.m. on the night of a terrific storm. I found my kids asleep with my wife, scared by the storm. I resigned myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom.

The next morning I talked to the kids and told them it was OK to sleep with mom during a storm, but when I was due home, please

A few weeks later my wife and the kids picked me up at the airport. My son came running into my arms and very loudly so ALL of the other deplaning passengers could hear, "Dad -- GOOD news! NO ONE slept with Mommy while you were away THIS time!"

The Best Salesman

Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.

"We don't need anyone," he was told.

"You can't afford not to hire me," Morris said. "I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!"

"Well, we have two prospects that NO ONE has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."

He was gone about two hours. He returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000.

"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.

"I told you I'm the world's best salesman," Morris said. "I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"

"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000, the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."

Morris was gone about six hours, and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five-gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine.

He sets them on the desk and says, "Here's Mr. Brown's and this one is Mr. Smith's."

"That's good," they said, "but what's in those two buckets?" "Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state teachers' convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"

The Mexican

A rich man living in Salt Lake City, Uthh decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Manuel, the only Mexican in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting. At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Manuel in the pool!

Manuel was fighting the croc and kicking its arse! Manuel was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of sh!t, like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Manuel and the croc were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Manuel strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a K-mart goldfish. Manuel then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, 'Well, Manuel , I reckon I owe you a million dollars.'

Nah, you all right, I don't want it,' said Manuel.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you somet hing. You won the bet.'

'How about half a million bucks then?'

'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Manuel.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?

Again Manuel said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Manuel, then what do you want?'

Manuel said, 'I want the name of the asshole who pushed me in the Pool.'