Bubba has a Question

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, 'Is It true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer?'

'Yes, Bubba, sure is true,' responded the lawyer.

'And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?'

'Sure is, Bubba.'

'And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?'

'Yep.'

'And that football player sued that university when he graduaided and still couldn't read?'

'That's right,' said the lawyer. 'But why are you asking?'

'Well, I was thinkin.  What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?'

The Blonde's Message

A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"

The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?"

"Yes, anything" the blonde promised.

With that, the man said, "Follow me" He walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door" She did.

He then said, "Get on your knees" She did.

Then he said, "Take down my zipper" She did.

He said, "Go ahead...take it out" She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well... go ahead!"

The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO.....MOM, can you hear me???

The Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.  The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

 

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.  

 

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

 

The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

 

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

 

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

 

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.  

 

The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

 

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

 

The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

 

The bishop was buried the next day.

A letter from Husband to Wife !!!

 

Too much detail

 

Lessons on Life

A little known fact

The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874, and the first helmet was used in 1974.

 

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

Wisdom of older women

After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, 'Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch  black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal. 

 

Now I have a $500,000 house, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not

holding up your side of things.’

 

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and  find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she  would make sure  that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

 

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.

Cucumber Sandwich

 

Not your typical blonde joke

A beautiful blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

 

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.'

 

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

 

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES YES, I WON, I WON!'

 

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

 

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

 

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

 

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.

 

MORAL OF THE STORY

 

Not all Irish are honest. Not all blondes are dumb. But all men are men

A Farmer in Love

A farmer walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep in his arms and says, "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."
               
The wife, laying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."

The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."