One way to get people to remember your name...

UCLA Study

A study worth sharing with friends both male and female:

 

A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on her menstrual cycle.  For example:  if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.  However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest with a bat up his butt while he is on fire.

 

No further studies are expected on this subject.

Amazing Focus

 

For My Brother

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
 
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

 

"Eight," the boy replied.

 

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

 

The boy replied, "not exactly, but they aren't for me.  They're for him.  He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."

 

Heartfelt Apology

 

Courtesy

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the
front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked it
so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a
sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two
days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

Little Janice

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she
slept through class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me
Janice, who created the universe?" When Janice didn't stir, little
Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her
in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good" and
Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour."
But, Janice didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came
to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good," and
Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to
Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her
with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing
one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ass!"

... the teacher fainted!

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Wrong Joke

A traveling salesman's car breaks down, and he walks over to a nearby farm.

 

He knocks on the door and the farmer appears. "Excuse me sir, but my car broke down about a mile down the road, and I was wondering if you had a place I could stay, just until morning, and I....."

 

The farmer says, "Well, I can let you sleep in the barn, but you'll have to sleep with my two sons...."

 

The salesman says, "Sons?! I must be in the wrong joke!"

Beer Lover

 

Extra Spicy

 

Safety Concern

 

Romantic Husband

 

Beer Opening 2

 

Beer Opening

 

Lady Sitters

 

Tiger Shark

 

Inviting Restaurants?

 

Patent No. 6,293,874

 

Santa Arrives

A Little Austrian Town ...

Are the residents called Fuckers?
 
What are the mothers called?
 
What would you be learning at the Fucking High School ?
 
Does the Fucking Hospital help you with anything else?
 
If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your Fucking friend.
  

 
Pronounced 'fooking' 

 
The little hamlet of Fucking is named after the man who founded the village in the 6th century. 

 
His name? Focko.

Picture Wisdom

A True Friend