1. I'll call you.
2. I love you.
3. You're the only one.
4. I've never felt this way about anyone else.
5. I've got to work late at the office tonight.
6. That's the best sex I've ever had.
7. You've got the most beautiful eyes
8. No, I'm not married
9. Sorry. I must have left my wallet and credit cards at home.
10. You just have to believe me when I tell you nothing's wrong.
11. I'm ready to make a commitment.
12. Except for a beer or two, I never drink.
13. My wife and I haven't had sex in years.
14. We'll get married as soon as I ...
15. I'll be home in twenty minutes.
16. It's not that I don't care - I just have to spend more time
with my kids.
17. I've only slept with maybe ten women in my entire life.
18. I've been celibate since we broke up.
19. I could never lie to you.
20. I can still last all night
21. I always use a condom
22. I can help you get a great job in my company (field)
23. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up
24. I tested HIV negative
25. I haven't seen her since she and I broke up
26. The only sexual fantasies I have are about you
27. No, I don't think your thighs (stomach, breasts, hips, etc.) are too big
28. I'm too tired
29. How could you think I'd be interested in her? She's your best friend
30. When it comes to oral sex, I'm the best
31. I've never had any trouble keeping an erection before
32. It's you and me, babe - we'll make love all over Europe
33. I'd never do anything to hurt you.
34. I want to grow old with you
35. Believe me, my wife and I live very separate lives
36. Our having sex won't change a thing between us
37. Don't worry, I've had a vasectomy
38. I'm going to leave my wife
39. You're nothing at all like my mother
40. Your being a different religion doesn't matter to me
41. It doesn't bother me that you make more money than I do
42. Even without sex, we'd still be friends
43. I think older women are the most exciting
44. I'm considered one of the top people (in my field, in the company)
45. What attracts me to you is your mind
46. We'll split all the child care and household chores fifty-fifty
47. Of course I don't mind that you didn't come
48. I've never had an affair before
49. You're the only one who understands me
50. I've never been in therapy
51. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me
52. No, I'm not seeing anyone else
53. I haven't thought about her (old girlfriend) in years
54. How many times do I have to tell you I'm not having an affair?
55. Your career is as important as mine
56. I promise you that I'll change
57. I want us to remain close friends always
58. My wife and I have an understanding
59. You're wonderful; you deserve someone better than me
60. I don't masturbate
61. Let's be friends first
62. When you walked through that door, I knew it was the real thing
63. I'd like you even if you were a man
64. It's okay to be good looking, but looks just don't mean that much to me
65. The difference between us will bring us even closer
66. I spend everything I earn on you and the kids
67. No, I never said that
68. You make me feel like a kid again
69. I'm going out with the boys (to the gym, to the office)
70. I'll move wherever you want
71. Of course I'm not bored with you
72. As soon as I finish this project (get a promotion, a raise, make partner), we'll......
73. You've got more sex appeal in your little toe than my wife's got in her whole body
74. It wouldn't be you and me anymore if I used one of those
75. Let's pool our assets - whatever is mine is yours
76. I still find you just as attractive as the day I met you
77. Divorce is the farthest thing from my mind
78. Sure, I'll watch the kids
79. It's not just the sex I want, it's being close to you.
80. We'll be spending a lot of time together when I retire
81. You're the only reason I've worked so hard
82. If I didn't have all this work, you know I'd go with you and the kids to your mom's
83. No one's ever turned me on like you do
84. My boss says there's nothing to worry about
85. I'll never tell
86. Relax, she's just a friend
87. This is just a temporary separation until we get things worked out
88. Your hair (dress, outfit) looks fantastic
89. It was just sex - it didn't mean a thing
90. Of course I'm listening to what you're saying
91. Come on in and we'll just cuddle for a few minutes
92. No, I don't think you're fat
93. You're the woman I should have married
94. I'm going to be focusing on my work for a while now.
95. I guarantee you, I'm not the father
96. Your having kids has nothing to do with my not wanting to get married
97. I'm not ashamed of the way you talk (look, act, etc.)
98. It's nothing personal; I just don't like sharing my living space with someone
99. This time I'm really serious
100. Honestly, honey, it's just for the guys - none of the wives go to the conference
101. I'll always take care of you.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Priests on Vacation
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. Determined to make this a real vacation escape by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy, they headed for a store as soon as the plane landed and bought some outrageous shorts, shirts and sandals.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their tourist garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous blonde wearing a string bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father, good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually; then she passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? The next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits--these were so loud you could hear them before you saw them. Once again, in their new attire, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, this time topless with just a thong bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.
Once again, she nodded at each of them, saying, "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father," and then started to walk away. One of the Priests couldn't stand it any longer . Standing up, he said, "Just a minute young lady."
"Yes, Father?", she answered.
"We are priests and proud of it," he continued, "but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?"
"Father, it's ME, Sister Margaret!" she explained.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their tourist garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous blonde wearing a string bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father, good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually; then she passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? The next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits--these were so loud you could hear them before you saw them. Once again, in their new attire, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, this time topless with just a thong bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.
Once again, she nodded at each of them, saying, "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father," and then started to walk away. One of the Priests couldn't stand it any longer . Standing up, he said, "Just a minute young lady."
"Yes, Father?", she answered.
"We are priests and proud of it," he continued, "but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?"
"Father, it's ME, Sister Margaret!" she explained.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Doctor's Visit
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone, entered the doctor's office. "We have come for an examination" said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me" said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."
"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me" said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."
"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."
Thursday, July 20, 2006
The New Priest
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.
The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand'. How did you feel about that?'" The new priest says those things.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?!? What happened next?'"
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.
The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on, and I understand'. How did you feel about that?'" The new priest says those things.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?!? What happened next?'"
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12.Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
16. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
17. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."
2. It leads to more honest communications.
3. It reduces complaints about low pay.
4. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
5. It encourages car pooling.
6. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care.
7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
8. It makes fellow employees look better.
9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
12.Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar.
13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break.
15. Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
16. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
17. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as "gross."
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Jesus Christ
Three wise men following yonder star through the desert for three days and nights. Finally they came to a manger. The star was shining on a crib with a baby inside.
As they were walking to the crib one of the wise men stepped on a rake and the handle flew up and hit him in the nose, "JESUS CHRIST", he shouted.
"Hey", said another wise man, "good name for the kid."
As they were walking to the crib one of the wise men stepped on a rake and the handle flew up and hit him in the nose, "JESUS CHRIST", he shouted.
"Hey", said another wise man, "good name for the kid."
Monday, July 03, 2006
Einstein's Theory
Albert Einstein's was born March 14, 1879.
Few remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.
He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well-endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection.
It was called Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.
Few remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919.
He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well-endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection.
It was called Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.
The Young Girl's Doubt
Visiting minister during the offertory prayer:
"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without You we are but dust......"
He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, what is butt dust?"
Church was pretty much over at that point.
"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without You we are but dust......"
He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, what is butt dust?"
Church was pretty much over at that point.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Homesick
A traveling salesman is in a small town in the Midwest, when his trip is
suddenly prolonged for an extra month. He was already getting bored there and
over the course of the extra month he becomes very homesick. Finally, he decides to give in to temptation and visit the local brothel.
He walks up to the madam and hands her a hundred dollars and says, "Give me the worst blowjob in town."
The madam says, "For this kind of money, you can have the best blowjob."
"No, no," says the man, "You don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."
suddenly prolonged for an extra month. He was already getting bored there and
over the course of the extra month he becomes very homesick. Finally, he decides to give in to temptation and visit the local brothel.
He walks up to the madam and hands her a hundred dollars and says, "Give me the worst blowjob in town."
The madam says, "For this kind of money, you can have the best blowjob."
"No, no," says the man, "You don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."
Ways to Turn Men Down
HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.
HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.
HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.
HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.
HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.
HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.
HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.
HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.
HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams.
HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.
HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing
The Sneaky Patient
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour, surgical procedure.
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask. Are my testicles black?
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles, from behind the mask. Are my testicles black?
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other.
Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
Twenty Push-ups
A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons.
After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the drunk to prove he wasn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor.
As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups.
He looks at him for a minute and then kicks him in the ribs saying, "Fella, I think your girl friend has gone home."
After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the drunk to prove he wasn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor.
As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups.
He looks at him for a minute and then kicks him in the ribs saying, "Fella, I think your girl friend has gone home."
What-Ifs
One day an elderly married golfing couple were discussing the "what-ifs" and the wife asked her husband:
Q: "What if I died before you? Would you marry again?"
A: "Maybe"
Q: "Would you take her out to dinner and wine and dine her?"
A: "Probably - Yes I would"
Q: "Would you sleep with her in the same bed we slept in?"
A: "Maybe"
Q: "Would you make love to her?"
A: "Probably"
Q: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
A: "No - She's left-handed"
Q: "What if I died before you? Would you marry again?"
A: "Maybe"
Q: "Would you take her out to dinner and wine and dine her?"
A: "Probably - Yes I would"
Q: "Would you sleep with her in the same bed we slept in?"
A: "Maybe"
Q: "Would you make love to her?"
A: "Probably"
Q: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
A: "No - She's left-handed"
Monday, June 26, 2006
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Promise Not to Laugh
A man went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh."
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"OK then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor has ever seen.
Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again."
"OK," the man says.
"Now," the doctor says, getting down to business. "What seems to be the problem?"
"Well," the guy says, "it's swollen...."
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"OK then," the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor has ever seen.
Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again."
"OK," the man says.
"Now," the doctor says, getting down to business. "What seems to be the problem?"
"Well," the guy says, "it's swollen...."
Obsessions
Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children on his TV show. "You all have obsessions," he observed.
All denied being obsessed with anything. "You are -- all of you!" he insisted.
"You are obsessed with eating," he said to the first mother. "You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is with money: Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and says, "Come on Dick, we're leaving."
All denied being obsessed with anything. "You are -- all of you!" he insisted.
"You are obsessed with eating," he said to the first mother. "You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is with money: Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and says, "Come on Dick, we're leaving."
Monday, June 12, 2006
Diwali - US Style
A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of "Diwali" to his younger brother, this is how he went about it...
"So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.
But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man... they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.
But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed..... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... ..
So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood. Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest.. and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that.
So,they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks...
Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started."
"So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.
But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man... they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.
But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed..... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.. Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok... ..
So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood. Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest.. and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that.
So,they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks...
Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started."
Miserable Relationships
I married a widow who had a grown-up daughter. My father, who visited us quite often, fell in love with my step daughter and married her. Hence, my father became my son-in-law, and my step-daughter became my mother. Some months later, my wife gave birth to a son, who became the brother in law of my father as well as my uncle.
The wife of my father, that is my step daughter, also had a son. Thereby, I got a brother and at the same time a grandson. My wife is my grandmother, since she is my mother's mother. Hence, I am my wife's husband and at the same time her step-grandson; in other words, I am my own grandfather.
The wife of my father, that is my step daughter, also had a son. Thereby, I got a brother and at the same time a grandson. My wife is my grandmother, since she is my mother's mother. Hence, I am my wife's husband and at the same time her step-grandson; in other words, I am my own grandfather.
Who's Guilty?
Wife was dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts:
"Up!! Quick! My husband is back."
Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts his butt, and then realizes:
"Damn, I'm the husband!"
"Up!! Quick! My husband is back."
Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts his butt, and then realizes:
"Damn, I'm the husband!"
Saturday, June 10, 2006
The God and Others
Four Catholic ladies were having coffee one afternoon, bragging to one another about their successful sons.
The first woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps in, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third woman crone says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'."
Since the fourth woman just sips her coffee in silence, the first three give her this subtle, "Well...?" sort of look.
"My son is 6'2" has broad square shoulders is terribly handsome and dresses exceptionally well. Whenever he walks into a room, women just say 'Oh my God...'."
The first woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic woman chirps in, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third woman crone says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'."
Since the fourth woman just sips her coffee in silence, the first three give her this subtle, "Well...?" sort of look.
"My son is 6'2" has broad square shoulders is terribly handsome and dresses exceptionally well. Whenever he walks into a room, women just say 'Oh my God...'."
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