Nurses

I had surgery on my jaw last year and I had my mouth wired shut. I knew
that while I was in the hospital, I wouldn't be able to talk so I
prepared a list of questions for the nurses :

When do I get my sponge bath?

What happened to the nice nurse?

What name did I use when I was admitted?

Can I take the blue pill next time?

Did the x-rays show anything unusual?

What if the swelling doesn't go down after 4 hours?

Do you know any stress-relief procedures?

Do you have any welding rods?

Will I be able to play the piano when I leave here?

Will you take a two-party check?

Did you get the license plate of the bus that hit me?

Is this going to hurt?

Can you make them stop ringing those bells?

Did they deliver my pizza yet?

Was it a boy or a girl?

Has the surgery affected my chances on Star Search?

Can I get a room that doesn't spin so much?

Can I get a room with a bigger tv?

Did they remove all of my tattoos?

When does the buffet open?

Do you come here often?

What year is it?

Are you a real nurse or a naughty nurse?

Do you want to see my tattoos?

Why am I here?

Have I been in the hospital before?

Is there another door out of here?

The food is : 1) very good 2) ok 3) worse than the school cafeteria.

I feel very : 1) good 2) ok 3) crappy.

Did they find the money?

Will I still be able to make my 8:00am tee time?

What is the in-flight movie?

Do I have to take my clothes off?

Can I take my clothes off?

I can do it.

I can't do it.

I didn't do it.

Are we in Kansas yet?

When does the buffet open?

Do you allow pets in here?

Will you kiss where it hurts?

Is this tap water?

Where exactly does that tube go?

Does this come in a different color?

What are my options?

Yes.

No.

Do I have to?

Do I get one of those fluffy robes?

Should I start now?

Can I stop now?

Can you heal a broken heart?

Has anyone recognized me yet?

That's against my religion.

1 to 3 4 to 6 7 to 9 10!

Will this put me in a different tax bracket?

May I speak with the Captain?

Do you have a boyfriend?

Where exactly are you going to put that tube?

Does this come in different flavors?

Did they get the bullet out?

Can I do that again?

Do they ever bring metal-detectors in here?

Could I get a room that is closer to the pool?

Would you like to hear me sing?

How many unicorns do you see?

Has my Probation Officer called?

Could you ask the valet to bring my car around?

Are you married?

Happily?

Is the bathroom tissue two-ply?

Have the photographers from The Enquirer arrived yet?

Does a full house beat a straight flush?

When does the cast come off?