Want a screw..?

A lady walks into a hardware store and says she's looking for a hinge.

The manager comes over and asks the lady "Do you want a screw for the hinge?"

She replies "No but I'll Fuck you for the doorknob."

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Peter's first date with Meg had gone well. As they sat in Peter's front seat on a remote country road, Meg made an announcement. 

"I'm actually a prostitute," Meg warned. "If you want any action, it'll cost you $30."

"Well," Peter shot back, "I have to tell you something too. I'm actually a cab driver. If you want a ride back into the city, it'll cost you $50."

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What's the only bad thing about the 69 position ? The view.

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Husband: Shall we try a new position tonight?

Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the couch and drink beer and fart!

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An eight year old boy comes home from school and says "Daddy! Daddy! What is the difference between a pussy and a cunt?"

The dad says, "No, I cant tell you that! You're too young!"

The son goes, "NO I'm not daddy! Please tell me."

So the father says alright and takes the boy into the bedroom. When they walk into the room, the boys mother is fast asleep. So the dad pulls back the covers, and like always, the mother is lying there without any panties on.

The father points in between her legs and says, "You see that? That's a pussy!"

The son asks, "Oooo! Can I pat it?"

The father reply's, "NO! You'll wake up the cunt!"

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A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job? You know she'll swallow.

When is a pixie not a pixie? When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.'

What's the definition of a Yankee? Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.

What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during orgasm.

Three words women hate to hear when having sex "Honey, I'm home!"

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where her tits went