Nude cricket a must

Dan Nicholl comes up with an ingenuous proposition for injecting a little life into very forlorn stands in domestic games. Nudity!

…- the key solution has to be more nudity.

Imagine the thrill of watching Hayward tear in from the Umgeni End in full naked splendour. That alone would have the turnstiles in a blur; were Hayward to be bowling to Kemp, armed with nothing but a cricket bat and a steely glare, the gladiatorial contest of it all would be quite magnificent. Cricket reduced to its bare essentials, Colosseum meets Beau Brummel over four or five searing days. Granted, some of the more rotund players may have mild reservations, but if Kepler's assertions on weight gains were true, then what better way to encourage Smith and Kallis to ease back on the quarter pounders with cheese?

The more conservative amongst you may hesitate to embrace such free-thinking, but it simply can't fail — I ran the theory past Mike Haysman, who not only expressed delight at the idea of seeing Kosie Venter in his natural splendour, but confessed that during the Australia series, he and a couple of colleagues would occasionally slip out of their SuperSport uniforms, and engage in a little nude commentary, which is heartening indeed.

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