Monday, December 27, 2004

It's Good to be a Man!

  • Your last name stays put.

  • The garage is all yours.

  • Wedding plans take care of themselves.

  • Chocolate is just another snack.

  • You can be president.

  • You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

  • Car mechanics tell you the truth.

  • You don't give a rat's butt if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.

  • The world is your urinal.

  • You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky looking.

  • Same work... more pay.

  • Wrinkles add character.

  • Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

  • People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

  • The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

  • New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

  • One mood, ALL the time.

  • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

  • You know stuff about tanks.

  • A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

  • You can open all your own jars.

  • You can leave the motel bed unmade.

  • You can kill your own food.

  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

  • Your underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack.

  • If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

  • Everything on your face stays its original color.

  • You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

  • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

  • You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

  • You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He's mad at me."

  • You don't mooch off other's desserts.

  • You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

  • You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

  • You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

  • You don't have to shave below your neck.

  • Your belly usually hides your big hips.

  • One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

  • You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife or your teeth.

  • You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

  • Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

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