Blondes Unlimited

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said 'concentrate'.

Why do blondes work seven days a week?
So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons?
You can also sit upright in a car.

What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

How does a blonde like her eggs?
Unfertilized.

Engineers favorite Blonde Joke

What's the definition of a metallurgist?
A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.

What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
Elvis has been sighted.

What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
Vaseline and Poli-Grip.

What's the difference between blondes and traffic signs?
Some traffic signs say stop.

What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
The shopping cart has a mind of its own

What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?
The light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus

What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
She peed on her corn flakes.

What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written
on the overhead transparency?
She turned it over and used the other side.

What is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
Pubic hair.

What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her ear?
Thanks for the refill.

How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.

How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
Shine a torch in her ears.

How do you drown a blond?
Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.

Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
One's a phony buck.

What did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
She stopped sucking.

How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
The bushes are darker than the rest of the
yard.                                            

How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.

Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
One that never misses a period.

What is every blonde's ambition in life?
To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

What can save a dying blonde?
Hair transplants.

What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
Third Grade.

What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?
She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.

What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
Marriage.

What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
A hundred dollar bill.

How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A 69 interrupted by a period.